


Danger, Dominance, Devotion

by Stardust_Steel



Series: The Sun and Moon [4]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Bottom Vegeta (Dragon Ball), Choking, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Saiyan Culture, Top Son Goku (Dragon Ball), not the fun kind, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:21:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29262714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stardust_Steel/pseuds/Stardust_Steel
Summary: At New Year's eve, Vegeta suffers a panic attack for unexpected reasons. Goku may be a freak in the sheets, but he is a gentlemen in the streets, and will not let Vegeta suffer the night alone.
Relationships: Son Goku/Vegeta (Dragon Ball)
Series: The Sun and Moon [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2148906
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	Danger, Dominance, Devotion

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Agent_38_Scribs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent_38_Scribs/gifts).



> I'm "stardust-steel" on Tumblr or "stardust_steel" on Instagram, I'd love to chat any db/kakavege/life things with you and also post my art there :) come find me!
> 
> Some of you may be familiar with this fic snippet from my multichaptered collection "This Space Between Us" (TSBU.) The reason I am updating this as a separate fic along with the others soon to follow is due to reader comments about tag sensitivity among different chapters. I won't elaborate but please let me know if this needs more tags :) I am learning, please be kind! 
> 
> TSBU will be taken down a month from now and continued as a series, so if anyone is really attached to it please download it :) Thank you for staying with me!

**D- Danger, Dominance, Devotion**

Earth is a planet with pointless, weird customs, and its people love an excuse to celebrate anything and everything. Vegeta has long reconciled himself to this fact.

But he really has to question this one.

“Why do you celebrate the turn of another year? It’s just another day. I don’t see the significance.”

Vegeta has of course seen and heard the commotion of New Year’s eve every single year since he’s been on earth, but this is the first time he chooses to participate.

The fact that it is almost a year since Kakarot has been back with them is merely a coincidence. Nothing to do with Vegeta’s sudden involvement, nothing at all.

Bulma, who is in the process of ordering yet more food for their insatiable guests, turns to him with a surprised but pleased look in her eye. 

It is a look makes Vegeta uncomfortable, but he understands her surprise. It isn’t often that the prince is curious enough to ask to clarify something about Earth, rather than straight away making negative judgments. 

“It’s like...a symbolism of renewal,” Bulma explains. “New year means new resolutions, letting go of past regrets, all that.”

Vegeta raises one eyebrow. “Right. And what does renewal have to do with blowing stuff up?” he gestures to where Trunks and Goten are excitedly dancing around what he understands to be a box of fireworks.

“The lights are pretty?” Bulma shrugs, her smile turning into something slightly evil. “It’s just fun?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Well, Vegeta supposed he can’t claim all credit for Trunks’ love of explosions.

The heiress smacks him on the arm good-naturedly. “Just go out there and have some fun,” Bulma orders.

“I’ll go find Kakarot and punch him, then,” Vegeta deadpans. He regrets it immediately when Bulma’s grin just _widens_ , and knows he’s walked right into another bout of teasing. 

“Aww, Vegeta, that's so sweet!” Bulma makes cooing noises. “I’m gonna tell Goku you said you enjoy being around him!”

Vegeta’s face is aflame, but he still manages a witty retort. “Your nose would be growing longer for lying, woman,” he snips. Like that stupid Pinocchio puppet.

  
As he stalks away, he still manages to catch the sight of her cerulean blue eyes widening, first in surprise, then in happiness. He knew she would appreciate his reference to Earth culture.

Almost a year now, since the events of Babidi and Kid Buu, since everyone had been brought back. About a similar amount of time since he and Bulma had agreed to raise Trunks as friends, rather than a couple. 

Ironically, their relationship vastly improves without the pressure of Earthling expectations of standard parenting.

It helps that Vegeta is trying to be a better person and father. Hugging Trunks for the first time when he believed he would die soon was the trigger. It is hard for him, enough to combust a blood vessel or two, but definitely worth the pain. The next time he dies, he does not want to have similar regrets.

Months now, since Vegeta and a certain Earth-raised saiyan have become whatever they are.

The battle with Buu , the moment after gazing up at Kakarot’s thumb up , is what did it. Finally, Vegeta manages to find a measure of peace he hadn’t known he was looking for.

A warm presence sidles up against his side. Vegeta crosses his arms, trying to pretend as if he has not been subconsciously tracking that particular ki almost all night. Almost all of the moments he is awake, in fact.

After 7 years of the familiar ki being gone, compounded by their recent fusion, he can probably track its owner even from all the way across the universe. 

Kakarot smiles brightly at him. The smile that can raise storms, level cities. Maybe even save a damned soul. The larger saiyan’s gaze tracks slightly downward due to the slight difference in their height. It both embarasses Vegeta and secretly makes him feel safe. The prince of all saiyans didn’t need anyone’s protection, most certainly not his rival’s.

But... it is… nice, to be gazed upon with such adoration rather than degradation, even if it is adoration Vegeta isn’t yet sure he deserves. 

“Hey, ‘Geta.” One of the rare occasions Vegeta will allow the use of the nickname.

Vegeta smirks back. “Hey yourself.” 

Finally he has accepted his existence on Earth, his place by Kakarot’s side, and Kakarot’s place by his. It only took 10 years, give or take a few.

Sweeping his ki sense around and understanding that no one is paying attention to them at that exact moment, he allows the smile to turn into something softer, something only Kakarot ever gets to see.

It isn't as if the others do not know this thing between them, whatever it is. Vegeta doesn’t feel the need to keep it secret. Kakarot deserves better than that, is worth more than that. 

And it took this long for a reason: once the prince commits, he will not turn back. But still it felt like a piece of Senzu after a long, bloody battle; the first sip of water after a long voyage that lacked resources. Not fragile, but too precious to be taken for granted.

“How are you not cold?” Kakarot asks.

Vegeta shrugs. “Don’t need it.” The younger saiyan is wearing a ridiculous orange scarf with a matching coat, bright and eye catching, just like Kakarot himself. Even Capsule Corps’ insulation doesn’t manage to disguise the fact that it is the dead of winter in West City.

But Vegeta is used to extreme temperatures. Except for a light jacket, he has not put on any layers. Saiyans run hotter than humans with their high metabolism, and besides, it is not like he isn’t used to the cold. 

“A saiyan has no need for accessories, huh?” Kakarot says teasingly.

"Certainly not a prince."

"Says the one who wears gloves all the time."

"Battle gear doesn't count," Vegeta huffs, raising one haughty eyebrow, but the smile on his lips linger.

Kakarot's smile softens too. As joyful as it is, there is something shy about it. 

Vegeta tries not to feel too fond.

Kakarot is never stingy with his show of emotions and affection. While Vegeta doesn’t share the same freedom of expression, and certainly doesn’t wish to, he recognizes its rarity and appreciates its worth. He has learnt that something frequently expressed does not make it any less meaningful, and those who think otherwise are fools. Including Vegeta’s past self.

“Dad, dad!” Trunks whizzes past him, the green hue of the wreath around his neck clashing horribly with his purple hair. Goten is a small tornado that is hot on his heels. “Have you seen the fireworks Mom created?”

His son's excitement is only rivalled by the other young hybrid. “Yeah, it’s so cool - we get to start it using ki!”

“Yeah, we get to blow shit up!”

"Trunks, Goten," Chichi admonishes, catching on to the curse word even from across the room. Vegeta is mildly impressed.

Kakarot grins at Vegeta, not particularly caring about their language, and the prince can’t help returning it. His face is going to get a muscle spasm at this rate, being more used to scowling.

But the enthusiasm of the twin terrors that are the boys as they bounce around is infectious.

The jovial, social atmosphere is not Vegeta’s style, but Bulma and Trunks love it, love this. And Vegeta has blown himself up for the continuation of their lives before - giving up his eardrums for something like this is hardly a sacrifice. 

...He is sure if Bulma or Kakarot can hear his thoughts, they would not be very happy with him.

The latter is currently holding up a dark blue woven scarf. “V, you’re going to catch a cold like that. Here-”

Before Vegeta can scoff, or say no, something warm and fluffy slings around his neck.

And suddenly, Vegeta can't breathe anymore.

Noise fades away. Everything is a haze.

Something feels like it’s closing in on him. 

The sensation makes him want to scream, but he can’t. It is stuck in his throat.

The memories come flying in. Buu’s fingers, texture like drying clay, wrapping around his neck in a stranglehold. 

Janemba’s tail grinding all the bones in his neck together, as his body is whirled about like a ragdoll. 

Frieza’s cruel laugh sounding in his ears, the lizard-like tail a faint sensation around his neck. Almost like a lover’s caress, but somehow more suffocating than the others because of how utterly broken and defeated he had been.

He hears someone shift behind him, and Kakarot’s voice comes through.

_Vegeta?_

But… it sounds so far away. Disembodied. 

Vegeta blinks. Maybe no one spoke? Isn’t he alone? Maybe he imagined it.

His breath is too short . It feels like he is suffocating. Dammit, if he could just take 

-one 

-deep

-lungful-

There is noise around him, like people, a lot of people, cheering. Or were they screaming?

But they don’t seem to be there? 

Vegeta’s not sure. Not sure if it’s actually people he sees.

His throat is starting to burn, but even then…

Is it? What is happening?

He can’t breathe.

_  
Dad?_

_Vegeta, are you okay?_

Yes. No. Everything is pressing in. 

But there is nothing around, so what was pressing him?

He can’t remember.

Everything is too much. Everything is numb. 

He feels strangled. He feels nothing.

...

_Guys, I forgot something - me and Vegeta are just gonna get it quick alright?  
_

_Wait, Goku-_

_-Bye!_

A warm hand grasps his. Vegeta doesn’t fight it. 

Why? What is the point? 

Nothing has a point.

He needs to breathe. 

_You don’t deserve to,_ Something whispers at him. _Drown_. _Die._

**_Yes. Please._ **

-and suddenly the air pressure changes. Something feels different.   
  


_Vegeta?  
  
_

Who is speaking?

_Can you take a deep breath for me?_

Should he reply? Can he? He thinks - 

**_I- I can’t -_ **

_  
Vegeta, I’m just going to put my hand on your shoulder, okay?_

There are warm hands on his shoulders. Something in his mind rears desperately, anchoring towards the sensation that something is real, here, he is here. 

After a moment, a warm touch grazes against his forehead and stays there. The twin sensations of touch ground him. 

Who is this? Where is he?

Who is he?

As the numbness begins to recede, terror strikes. He pulls himself towards that source, he’s fighting, fighting-

And finally Vegeta comes back to himself. He lets out a shuddering breath, gasping. Slowly everything seems to fade back in, almost painfully overstimulating his senses. And he comes to find himself gazing into Kakarot’s eyes, their foreheads pressed close together. 

Kakarot’s hands on his shoulders move to cup his face. From the haze of Vegeta’s mind, something lights up. There is a fit of desperation to anchor himself. Vegeta reaches out suddenly. His gloved hands find Kakarot’s broad muscular back, grasping almost viciously until their chests are flushed together.

To his credit, Kakarot doesn’t yelp or balk. The younger saiyan only allows the movement, never breaking eye contact with Vegeta. 

Vegeta takes greedy lungfuls of air in, his chest heaving against Kakarot’s. Something in the younger saiyan’s steadiness grounds him. 

“Hey, V,” Kakarot says softly, pressing their foreheads a little firmer together in greeting. “Welcome back.”

Vegeta doesn’t respond immediately, opting to slow his rapid pulse.

He is coming back into awareness of his surroundings. There is a soft breeze, some rustling leaves. The mildness calms him. 

Along with the waking of his senses, comes the burning sensation of shame. Vegeta feels his face begin to flush, and he is struck with the desire to hide his eyes from Kakarot’s too perceptive ones. But he cannot break away their contact when they literally have their foreheads grazing eachother’s.

Kakarot seems to understand. “Hey, none of that here, okay?” The larger saiyan draws his head back, letting one hand fall away, leaving the other one cupping Vegeta’s cheek. It is just enough to allow the prince to turn his head slightly, though Kakarot doesn’t let him completely look away. “There’s nothing to be ashamed about - it’s just us.”

Vegeta realises that this is true. There is no sign of the other Z fighters. The sun is just setting here, unlike Capsule Corp’s earlier ink- dark sky.

It seems that Kakarot has transported them to one of his and Kakarot’s favoured training grounds, perhaps in an attempt at giving Vegeta some privacy. The prince can’t help but feel grateful at the younger saiyan’s thoughtfulness. Even so, in an attempt to regain some of his dignity, he pushes himself slightly away from the comforting warmth of Kakarot’s larger frame.

There it is, the burning shame, and the residue of terror that lurks underneath. Vegeta is trying to push both away too, but it is not as easy.

\-----------------------

The moment he places the scarf around Vegeta's neck, Goku immediately knows something is wrong.

Vegeta’s ki, usually a reassuring flame of power and solidity, begins to spike and pulse. Then it flickers like its owner is rapidly dying. Goku would have been in a right state of alarm if he isn’t standing right in front of Vegeta. He pulls the scarf away immediately, but the prince is still as frozen in shock. Or in time.

He doesn’t seem to be breathing.

Goku makes a hurried excuse and first transports them far away, knowing that Vegeta wouldn't like anyone to see him in this vulnerable state.

It is an automatic choice to pick one of their favourite places to spar, and it helps that it is somewhere warm, with no change in season. No winter, no snow. Starkly different from the temperature of West city where Capsule Corp is.

Vegeta is still not breathing.

Goku wants to hold him, wants to shield the prince from whatever flashback he is clearly experiencing, but he is afraid that an embrace would only set off claustrophobia and make things worse.

Instead Goku approaches Vegeta as carefully as he would a wounded animal, and maybe the prince is. He asks for permission to touch Vegeta, worried that the prince would react violently to the breach of his personal space in that state, but there is no response. Finally Goku takes a risk, fumbling to provide comfort like a blind man trying to lead and give directions.

Thankfully, Vegeta feels it, feels him. And starts breathing again.

Now they are stuck in this strange embrace, and the prince seems to be trying to both assume his normal haughty stance, and trying to burrow himself into disappearing. It’s adorable, but sad. Goku treasures every moment he is allowed to see of the more expressive sides of Vegeta, but this is one moment he would have happily skipped if only for the smaller saiyan’s wellbeing.

The hand that is still cupping Vegeta’s face gently thumbs his cheekbones. Vegeta doesn’t like being treated like a fragile thing, as he himself doesn’t, the proud creatures they are, and that has resulted in a couple of misunderstandings between them. But this is uncharted territory, and Goku is unsure, so he opts to be soft. He would rather understand than assume, and until then he will tread lightly.

“Vegeta?” Goku keeps his voice gentle. “Do you want to tell me what that was about?”

He is careful to phrase it like a choice, keeping his body language open. He and Vegeta are both not good with words, but they both pickup on the unspoken very easily. It has been a learning process for the both of them to balance both, but it is something Goku has happily attempted. The right person is worth the storms.

Vegeta’s proud profile in his hands is silent for a few moments. Then, a slight movement in the negative, a very small shake of the head.

“Okay.” Goku clamps down on his disappointment. It isn’t about morbid curiosity. Or even about trust - he knows that Vegeta trusts him. It is something Goku treasures, even takes pride in: trust from the other saiyan, for whom trust is a scarce resource, rarely given and sadly rarely taken. 

It is more that Goku wants to apologise, for whatever he had done to trigger it. And understand what set off the strong-willed warrior prince, so that maybe he can help prevent it next time. 

But he can’t, because Vegeta doesn’t want to talk about it. So Goku will respect that. Simple. 

To just leave it at that, though, is beyond him. “Um… Can… can I hug you again?” Phrase it like a choice, not force. Hopefully Vegeta will read Goku’s non-verbal apology, even if he doesn’t want or ask for it. 

There is a pause. Then, in response, strong, lean arms wrap around Goku’s shoulders, drawing him close.

* * *

It isn’t like Goku can’t make his own guesses as to what has sent Vegeta spiraling into a panic attack, when the prince has undoubtedly experienced much worse triggers. He has seen some of Vegeta’s memories, after all, and Vegeta his, through the fusion. While they are left with mostly impressions of feelings rather than specific events, some memories create an imprint so deep that it would be hard not to see them and understand their cause.

But he does not want to know what Vegeta wouldn’t have wanted him to see of his own volition. And he would rather know by understanding, than making assumptions from fragments of memory. Vegeta will tell him when he is ready to tell him.

What Goku knows is that the next time he sees Frieza, or any of the Ginyu Force.... while he doesn’t think he is so far gone as to resort to actual murder, he doesn’t plan on letting the tyrant or his lackeys escape without a proper knuckle down.

In some ways fusion is an act of merging more intimate than sex, the act of letting someone not just into your physical space, but your mental space as well, and trusting them not to take everything and break it.

It is not something Goku would willingly undergo with just anyone anymore, and he almost wants to laugh at his past self’s consideration of fusing with Hercule or Gohan, for instance. 

Well, to be honest, Goku thinks to himself with a wry smile, he might still fuse with someone other than Vegeta if it is to save the world, but nothing short of that.

Quietly, Goku makes a mental note from then on not to sling his arms around Vegeta’s neck - at least without a proper indication first, not to surprise him with unwanted accessories, and just -generally not to hold the prince’s neck too tightly or roughly. With the sole exception of spars, for that last one - knowing Vegeta, the prince wouldn’t appreciate the kiddy gloves treatment in battle mode. The same way Vegeta would patiently walk Goku through or away from any proximity with a needle, but doesn’t hesitate to pierce him with sharp Ki projectiles during their sparring matches.

* * *

That night, they make love. They don’t speak much whenever they do- saiyans have always been about feeling, instinct, and their touch carry songs and hold entire conversations, more than speech ever could.

Goku brushes his lips down Vegeta’s jawline, around the shell of his ear. He loves the small gaps and whimpers that escape the proud prince, sounds only Goku has the privilege of hearing.

That night Goku is feeling wild, fierce. He wants to draw it out longer, wants to hear Vegeta cry out for him, plead for him, need him. Wants to feel Vegeta’s trust, by placing his full self in Goku’s powerful hands. But Vegeta’s pride is already in a fragile state, his mind still brittle from the flashbacks of the morning, and so Goku instinctively knows tonight is not the night for such dominance, but for gentleness and care.

He still manages to draw out a scream of pleasure from the prince, and that is all, that is enough. As they lie in the afterglow, he pulls his weight off so that they lie beside each other. He doesn’t want Vegeta to feel trapped or get nervous. 

But Vegeta’s ungloved finger follows Goku’s movements, and a moment later, a tentative hand brushes his.

Goku's breath catches. It is rare for Vegeta to initiate any form of physical touch, so Goku treasures it when he does. Vegeta knows this, and Goku notices that since they had that very embarrassing conversation, the prince has been trying more, something which Goku truly appreciates. 

Goku reacts immediately to the hesitant touch. He grasps the prince’s hands, marvelling at the firm grip, marvelling at the way they slide so easily and perfectly together, marvelling that he doesn’t have to tamper his strength the way he used to with ChiChi. Loving as she was and as hard as they tried, it never felt natural, it couldn’t work.

He and Vegeta do.

The moment of reverence and awe is shattered a second later as soft lips brush Goku’s temple. He almost chokes in surprise at the feeling. There is a quiet chuckle in his ear, Vegeta’s breath making him feel all sorts of warm inside. 

“Thank you,” Vegeta whispers, his voice hoarse and fainter than usual, like the words are rarely used. And they are. 

Vegeta is so, so brave, He has never lacked courage, but that night… after the day.... 

Goku - smiles, his heart feeling so aglow it could burst right out of his chest. He responds by drawing closer to Vegeta, crushing his lips against the prince’s, trying to convey all the admiration and pride and protectiveness he felt for the smaller frame under him. He continues kissing the prince until they are both breathless. 

When they finally have to surface for air, Goku continues to trail his lips along Vegeta’s jaw again, relishing the warmth of the prince’s form. He runs his arms around, the strongly corded shoulder, the muscled curves of Vegeta’s body. Loving the sounds Vegeta makes. He pauses to suckle at the pulse beneath the prince’s ear. 

Too near his throat. 

The prince inhales sharply and makes a sound, not one of pleasure. The instant it reaches his ears, Goku springs away.

Vegeta is trembling, watching Goku with half-lidded eyes, a look he can’t read. Goku is terrified, Did he trigger another avalanche of memories? Has he unintentionally harmed Vegeta?.

The moments that pass feel like forever. Then Vegeta reaches out, bare hands framing the sides of Goku’s face with a tremor that almost breaks Goku’s heart.

The prince draws Goku back to him. Goku understands instinctively how important this moment is, and lets himself follow, careful not to make any sudden movements.

Vegeta kisses him first, taking control even here, until he is guiding the younger saiyan back to where they last left off.

Goku carefully resumes the trail of his kisses across the prince's skin, caressing with his lips, until he pauses to hover where Vegeta’s pulse is. And Vegeta… tilts his head, exposing his throat to Goku. 

Carefully, very softly, Goku kisses Vegeta’s neck. There is a sharp inhale, but Vegeta’s body language, the way he allows Goku more access to the skin of his throat, and gentle pressure of his fingers against Goku’s jaw tells the younger saiyan to continue. So he does.

* * *

Hours later, in the moments before the dawn breaks, Kakarot teleports them both to another favoured training ground. From what Vegeta understands, this one is in a different timezone, so that it is still night, so that they are still able to celebrate the break of New Year’s, in their own time.

Vegeta still doesn’t care much for it, but he does care for the presence of Kakarot beside him, even as he tries not to admit it. The fact that he still allows Kakarot to hold this hand gently probably gives that away, though.

They cut a strange figure on the plains. One a prince, the other a third class, one a ruthless murderer, the other a beloved saviour. They are two warriors who are never meant to have crossed paths. But in this universe, they do.

Both of them have gone through their own of suffering ,and heartbreak, and learning and healing to get to where they are. And Vegeta doesn’t believe in deities, but he does thank whatever in the universe allows him to hold Kakarot’s hand like this, despite all the atrocities he has committed in his previous lifetime.

All the atrocities he is yet to redeem himself for. All the sins he plans to atone for… but that is a story for another day.

Right then, he is content to watch Kakarot’s silly smile widening , eyes alight with joy. “3-2-1! Happy New Year!” Kakarot cheers with all the enthusiasm of a child, like his youngest son, like Vegeta’s family has for such trivial, sentimental things.

Vegeta raises his gaze, boredom breaking as the first sparks fly up into the night. They burst into a brilliant array of colours in an explosion of sound.

Through his time on Earth Vegeta had never really got what all the fuss of new year was all about. But at that moment , as the fireworks burst into a spectrum of colors in the gorgeous backdrop of the sky, lighting up red among the silhouette of Goku’s spike, he thought he could understand, just a little.

And the next morning, when Kakarot softly kisses his neck in the gentle light of dawn…. Vegeta is quietly surprised, that the decrepit little thing he calls a heart is apparently still alive enough to have the capacity to melt.

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Agent_38_Scribs who inspired this through our discussion of Vegeta's phobia of worms and what could possibly trigger it; and Agent Pigeonton who wanted to think about the boys being sweet and soft for a moment :3
> 
> I was worried that Vegeta is OOC here, and kept fretting about changing different parts...but he is meant to be softer, more fragile after his anxiety attack. No one shakes off trauma like nothing unless they're two-dimensional characters from a shounen anime, who COULD HAVE BEEN THAT DEEP.  
> I believe that Goku is fairly emotionally perceptive, even though Z and S may clash against eachother soemtimes in this.
> 
> Feel free to throw me your headcanons and what you want to see, I will try to fit them somewhere in what I have planned.
> 
> It would mean a lot if that touched you enough to review. but if not, thank you for your time, for stopping by to read these babies :)


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